Dining Outrageously
Tic Tac Teeth
When you see your server coming your way slip a few white Tic Tacs in your mouth. When the server asks how everything is stick your tongue in your cheek and with labored speech say, "I didn't want to complain, but the steak is a little tough..." That being said, spit out the Tic Tacs as if you've lost a few teeth trying to chew the meat.
Dribble Can
While someone isn't looking, place a small push pin hole in the side of their soda/pop/beer can just below where they drink. Every time they drink they will be dribbling on themselves.
Heartthrob Beef
This one is hilarious and has even gotten me a few free meals. Get a "plate lifter" at your local joke/novelty shop. This is a long tube with a little bladder on one end and a bulb on the other. The original joke was to hide the bladder under the table cloth under plates to make them jump up and down when the bulb was squeezed. But, I found a better use. Order a burger or steak to your liking. When the plate is delivered and the server has left, rig the steak or burger with the bladder under the meat and run the tube off the side of the plate (hidden by garnish) to the bulb which you operate with your hand under the table. When the server walks by, call their attention to the meat which must be undercooked, as it still has a heartbeat (The plate lifter is causing the meat to throb in a heartbeat-like rhythm.)! The server usually gets bug-eyed and says, I’m sorry, I’ll have them cook it longer. Before they take the plate, tell them to leave the plate here and tell the manager come over. Once a crowd is drawn and all are sufficiently horrified, reveal the secret. I’ve had brighter managers catch on right away, but tell me that they “want to bring the chef out to see that!”
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