Patient- Doctor

Patient: Doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Doctor: Wait a minute please.

Doctor: You only have six months to live.
Man: I can't pay the bill.
Doctor: Alright, I'll give you another six months.

Girl: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
Boy: What time was it?

Psychiatrist: What is your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

When a guy says "Will you marry me?"
He actually means "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

Patient: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Doctor: Yes, pregnancy.

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