HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a Washington
University chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go
to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct . . . . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh
my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”
Rating: