Late Night Barack Obama Jokes
"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton campaigned for the first time together in Unity, New Hampshire, today. Isn't that cute? Unity, New Hampshire. For real. Their tour goes from Unity to Tolerate, Rhode Island; and Getting on My Nerves, Virginia; and then Crazy Makeup Sex, California." --Jimmy Kimmel
"You know. People really like Barack Obama because he's an inspirational speaker. But he was not the first one -- I was checking my presidential history -- he was not the first candidate to use the phrase 'Yes we can!' Bill Clinton frequently used that on interns." --David Letterman
"I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'" --Bill Maher
"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The presidential debate was a town hall format, which is John McCain's favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama's favorite way, a Sermon on the Mount." –Jay Leno
"But all this doesn't matter because Obama keeps pulling away in the polls. Every week, he gets a little more ahead. And with almost all groups. Liberals, of course, always supported him. ... And conservatives like the idea of paying a black man to clean up their mess." --Bill Maher
"Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like they have fake names. Apparently, the fakest-sounding name is Barack Obama." –Conan O'Brien
"People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. Yeah. It turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey." --Conan O'Brien
"The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week, Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not, marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one" --Seth Meyers
"Barack Obama said today the government's $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. Barack Obama says he knows that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fund raisers to come up with that kind of money." --Jay Leno
"At a rally in Florida, Barack Obama was interrupted by a protest group calling themselves 'Blacks Against Obama.' Actually, a pretty small group. It's just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain's economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama's plan, but nobody knows what it is yet. So we're still waiting." --Jay Leno
"Speaking of Barack Obama, earlier this week in Colorado, Barack Obama gave a speech in the middle of a rodeo ring. Yeah. Obama began his speech in the rodeo by saying, 'Hello, I am what is known as a black guy.''" –Conan O'Brien
"Barack Obama had a big night last night. Last night, Barack Obama attended a fundraiser headlined by Barbra Streisand that raised $9 million. $9 million. Yeah. It's big. This was historic. This was historic, this is the most money raised in one night, and it's the first time a black man has ever attended a Barbra Streisand concert." --Conan O'Brien
"The big news story today is Sarah Palin. Every day, Sarah Palin. And it is not exactly hard-hitting stuff. I haven't seen the media fawn over a celebrity this much since -- Barack Obama." --Craig Ferguson
"Earlier this evening, Barack Obama was in Hollywood at a big fundraiser, a sold-out fundraiser featuring Barbra Streisand singing. $28,500 a ticket. Barbra Streisand was singing. All the big Hollywood stars were there. It featured dinner prepared by the finest Hollywood chefs serving an array of gourmet food. I believe the topic tonight was how John McCain is out of touch with the common people." --Jay Leno
"And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe." --David Letterman
"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno
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