15 vampire complaints
The top 15 complaints of the modern day vampire
15) Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
14) Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
13) Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.
12) Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
11) Thanks to all those Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren't taken seriously any more.
10) After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
9) After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
8) No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
7) With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.
6) No warm blood for miles around DC.
5) Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.
4) Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards
3) Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2) Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.
And the number 1 complaint of Modern-day Vampires:
1) No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.
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