Monster Jokes
Q: What kind of monster has the best hearing ?
A: The eeriest !
Q: How you can tell if you have had a monster in your fridge ?
A: It leaves footprints in the butter !
Q: Did you hear about the stupid monster you hurt himself raking up leaves ?
A: He went terribly moody because he couldn't see eye to eye with himself !
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter ?
Werewolf: Search me !
1st Monster: Every time we meet you remind me of a famous film star?
2nd Monster:"Meryl Streep", "Madonna", "Raquel Welch" ?
1st Monster: No, ET !
Q: Why are monsters covered in wrinkles?
A: Have you ever tried to iron a monster !
Monster:"I'm so ugly"
Ghost:"It's not so bad"
Monster:"When my grandfather was born they handed round cigars, when my father was born they passed round cigarettes, but when I was born they just passed out !"
Q: Why are monsters green ?
A: Because they didn't take their travel sickness pills !
Q: Why do monsters wear glasses ?
A: So they don't bump into other monsters !
Boris the monster knocked on a witches door and asked for something to eat. "You look familiar" said the witch "Didn't I give you some bat's blood soup last week"
"Yes" said the monster, "But I'm better now !"
Q: What do you say when you meet a two headed monster ?
A: Hello hello !
Q: What is the best way to speak to a monster ?
A: From a long way away !
Q: What is big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks ?
A: A big, red, prickly three eyed rock eater !
Mrs monster to Mr Monster "Try to be nice to my mother when she visits this weekend dear "
"Fall down when she hits you"!
Mr Monster "Oi, hurry up with my supper"
Mrs Monster "Oh do be quiet - I've only got three pairs of hands" !
Q: Why did the monster walk over the hill ?
A: Because it was too much bother to walk under it !
Q: Why are monsters forgetful ?
A: Because everything goes in one ear and out the others !
Q: Why did the monster knit herself three socks ?
A: Because she grew another foot !
Q: What is the difference between a huge smelly monster and a sweet ?
A: People like sweets !
Q: What has a purple spotted body, ten hairy legs and big eyes on stalks ?
A: i don't know either but there is one crawling up your leg !
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